FF: Fork in the Road

For today's Friday Five, share with us five "fork-in-the-road" events, or persons, or choices. And how did life change after these forks in the road?

1. the first that comes to mind is a choice in high school. I agreed with the decision of a teacher instead of sticking up for one of my best friends in the whole wide world. It was a choice that caused lots of heartache and distance for a while, but I'm thankful that God and our other friends kept us together so that we came through on the other end.

2. The second is where I chose to go to college. I had a lot of places I could have gone - lots of places where I was accepted and who were offering scholarships. I didn't feel called to go to the small liberal arts college only an hour away (where communication would have been my focus). I really wanted to go to the large private university four hours away (where science would have been my focus). I ended up applying after graduation to a small Methodist college where a bunch of youth ministry friends were headed, got in, and God told me that's where I was supposed to be.... which led me through science to religion as a major and the rest is history.

3. The beginning of the war in Iraq. This was a major fork in the road for me, because I had strong feelings about it, both personally and spiritually. And I knew there were lots and lots of people who disagreed with me. I was in college at the time and in community with a group of people however who helped me to use my voice and my hands and my feet to make a statement about the war publicly. We created a memorial of crosses on the lawn in front of the chapel - in honor of those who had died, both soldiers and civilians since the conflict had begun in the week before. Overnight, the crosses were torn down and the broken pieces used to spell "God Bless the USA." As a Christian, I was heartbroken and ashamed of my neighbors. As someone who always though that there was a way to find agreement, I lost a piece of that in myself.

4. Exploration in 200something - The speaker for the day was Hispanic and she recounted the story of Samuel's calling in the temple. For the first time, I felt called into ministry and it was because Samuel kept thinking the voice of God was just his master. I thought before that time that the voice of God speaking to me was just the voice of my youth pastor, or pastor, or a friend, never did I think it was actually GOD speaking to me. Until she spoke those words, "Samuel, Samuel" with the hispanic pronunciation. It stays with me until this day.

5. My friend Nicole - in the airport in Nashville - convincing me to go to Vanderbilt. I was kind of torn at that point and I really wasn't sure what I was going to do until I sat down in the airport at that silly little food stand with Nicole. By the time I got on the plane (and I was almost late!) I was convinced that I needed to go to seminary there. And I haven't regretted it for a millisecond. It was where I needed to be to grow and thrive and find my place. It brought me into contact with tons of amazing people at my church there... I am so grateful for that conversation in the airport!

accountable.

So. I'm going back and forth over whether or not to post what my lenten discipline will be. I was all for it, and then I got to thinking about the whole "do it in secret" call of Matthew's gospel... the appointed reading for Ash Wednesday.

At the same time however, discipline needs accountability. With no one else to check in on me, or watch over my shoulder and gently nudge... "hey katie..." will I keep with it?

Also... I'm only like 75% about what my actual lenten discipline will be. I like to abstain from one thing and take on one thing - and I can't figure out what I'm going to take on. (which is kind of important, since, um, Lent started today)

So. I need the push to make a decision and having to post it and then follow through before heading to bed for the evening is important.

1) I will be abstaining from meat for Lent. This is something that I have done in the past, and now is a good time for my body to also be abstaining from the extra fats due to my upcoming surgery. Meat is a really tough thing for me because my families are such big meat eaters. Even in meals at home with Brandon, meat is always center stage. So having to think about other cooking options for myself, or eating less at a meal really is not a natural step for me. Everytime that I eat, I will be recalling this commitment to God I have made. And I love to eat. Meals now become this prayerful time of communion, rather than a hurry up and cook up some boring chicken and rice-a-roni. Not to mention the benefits on the planet (which God calls us to take care of) that a vegetarian diet entails.

2) My prayer life has been suffering lately. I'm just going to be honest. I have really struggled with what I need to boost that prayer life. Do I need to keep a prayer journal before bedtime? Maybe use art as an expression of prayer (like Jan Richardson) to try something new? I have a beautiful handmade paper journal that I haven't used yet (thanks Jill!) and I'm going to bust it out this Lenten season. I'll have it beside my bed with some colored pencils and chalk... and then maybe I can do both!

life breathed into dust

today as we come forward to have the ashes placed upon our foreheads, as we remember what it means to be made of the dust of the earth, we tell the truth about our mortality and our sin.

we are nothing but dust - and to dust we shall return.

yet there is something profoundly missing in that story. because even in the beginning, as God formed us from the dust of the earth, from the clay of the ground, as God got down on hands and knees and got dirty... molding us and forming us... we were touched with the maker's hands. and then the God of the universe breathed into Adam the breath of life.

as dust - we cannot escape from our mortality or our sin. as dust - there is no end possible but to return to the ground.

but we are not merely dust. God desires not the death of a sinner but a broken and contrite heart. God wants to bring life into our midst.

this time of lenten discipline is a time to open ourselves up to God's grace. That may come through spiritual disciplines like fasting and prayer. it may come from denial of temptations (coffee and soda, anyone?). it may come from an attentive awareness to God's movement in everyday things. But none of these practices in and of themselves earn God's love - will bring us salvation... we do them simply to spend time with God, we do them for the sake of God, practicing these disciplines focus our lives on God and that in and of itself brings its own reward.

amazing.

A relative shared this on facebook, and I am still amazed every time I see it. I love this story so much and wanted to share!!!

senseful worship

I am a strong believer in using all of our minds, bodies and souls in worship. And one of the primary ways that I try to encourage people to reach that place is by thinking of all of our five senses and the worship experience. What are the things we hear? What kinds of smells do the scriptures bring to mind? What does grace taste like? What does the gospel feel like? How can we use color and images to see God?

Now - all of that is much easier said than done. It takes so much work to craft worship experiences and to be honest, for the most part I stick to a basic liturgy and try to throw one of the senses we neglect in worship (taste, touch, smell) in every now and then.

I have been thinking a lot about wanting to pick this practice back up again for Lent - even if I focus on just one sense each week. The scriptures for Lent 1B include the promise of God to Noah in the rainbow, and two years ago, we used that scripture in our emerging worship service in Nashville to literally paint a rainbow among the congregation. We had six canvases set up around the worship space and people were invited to travel among them and write/paint images, words, colors that expressed their understanding of promise and covenant.

I would LOVE to do that with my congregation. It would incorporate touch, color, movement, engage our minds etc.

I'm having more troubles thinking of what to do with the next week and the Lent 2B scriptures. Our theme is "Challenge" and the focus is on taking the leap of faith to trust in God's promises - using Romans 4:20-22 and Mark 8:34-35

sunday afternoon

This is Tiki... totally sprawled out on the back of the couch, not a care in the world, just being.

This is exactly what Sunday afternoons are for me too. A time to just lay back, relax, let all of the business of the morning slide away and simply to be. Good food with family, a nap, and just being.

Thank God for Sunday afternoons.

FF: Taking a Break

I offer this Taking a Break Friday Five. Tell us how you would spend:

1. a 15 minute break
Nowadays, a 15 minute break is spent checking email or hopping on the internet to browse facebook or the grey's anatomy message boards.

2. an afternoon off
This happens kind of frequently because I tend to use my home office hours to relax and then end up catching up on work on Saturdays - my day off. I tend to sit in front of the tv watching food network or movies... or playing computer games

3. an unexpected free day
see above. Although I really want to spend more of my free days visiting my grandma

4. a week's vacation
somewhere warm. where I can swim. and relax with a novel or three

5. a sabbatical
a cabin by the river. with lots of books for reading and thinking and trails to hike nearby

preparing for surgery

I visited the surgeon's office yesterday and now have my surgery scheduled. March 11. Three weeks seems like a long time to keep waiting - as it has been about 2 already. But at same time, I had a few things in my schedule to work around: namely my continuance interview for provisional membership in the UMC.

Until that time, I'm really trying to avoid fats and proteins. After much of the reading I have done, these are the foods that will activate my gall bladder the most. So high-fiber and low-fat eating, here I come. It actually is probably exactly what I need to lose some weight and be a bit healthier too, so I'm not complaining.

My surgery will be at 7:30 in the morning - four small incisions - and I should be home that afternoon. It all seems kind of surreal to think about - I haven't had surgery since my tonsilectomy when I was little, and don't really remember much about that. I can't possibly imagine how I will feel, what I'll be able to do, how my body will respond. I guess I'll find out soon!

celebrations and transitions

This Sunday is when we celebrate the Transfiguration and after five weeks of exploration on the Lord's Prayer - I am more than ready for something new in worship.

I have been thinking a lot about what the Transfiguration symbolizes for the life of the church. Besides simply being a remembrance of the event witnessed by the disciples, besides being an affirmation that the law and the prophets were fully behind the ministry of the Son of God, the Transfiguration comes at an important juncture in Mark and in important juncture in the church year.

In Mark, Jesus is setting his face towards Jerusalem. Life as it was for the disciples would never be the same. And in many ways, we too are setting our faces towards Jerusalem as we enter the season of Lent.

But I think that the Transfiguration also serves as a transition point in which we need to remember where we have been and let that be seen in the light of God's glory, but then set it behind us and move forward. The disciples got the glory part, but they wanted to enshrine the moment, build tabernacles, and stay in that moment. We need to take a moment to sit in the glory of what we have accomplished, but then let it go and realize that our journey has only just begun.

So that idea of celebrating a moment and then moving on is really in the back of my mind.

In our congregation, we have a lot to celebrate. We just had a hugely successful dinner to raise money for our youth ministry. We gave money to many valuable missions in the last year. We increased our involvement in worship and other activities. And the thing that amazed me, we paid our apportionments 100% for the first time in years.

But we can't say - oh, well, we accomplished that, look how great we were, and be done. We have to keep working. We have to keep seeing what changes need to be made. We have to keep following the guidance of the spirit. And that means coming down off of the mountain top, rolling up our sleeves, and getting to work.

it's the small things

People might ask me what kind of amazing things my husband did for St. Valentine's Day. And to be honest, I was kind of dreading that question, because we had already promised not to do anything for one another. We have done a lot of the romantic cheesy stuff already - we've been together for over 9 years now! And sometimes we don't feel very creative.

So, with the pressure off, I just kind of enjoyed my day.

And you know what I got.

1) a cuddle on the couch during a movie. Ever since we got our sectional in the basement, we have each had our side of the couch. (which to be honest is more comfortable) Tonight, we cuddled up together on the one corner, just like we have done since our very first movie watching - Jaws.

2) I got a promise that he would wash dishes and do laundry - all of it. I've been really busy lately, and most of that category has been my responsibility. He chips in, but he also does a lot of outside stuff, cold or warm, and he cleans the bathrooms. (yuck). It was kind of a routine that we had settled into long before marriage. But tonight, he said he would take care of it.

3) all day, he kept reaching over and touching me - grazing my hair or my arm. Some of it was tickling, but mostly, he was just close. And it was super nice. I credit our rearranged couch. (although I totally hate where it is placed - but that is a different story... it's a lot harder to hate now!)

It really is the simple things that matter the most.

ham balls

Tomorrow evening we will be having a Ham Ball Dinner & Auction to benefit our youth group. And the Ham Balls we have at our church are AMAZING.

Ham Balls, if you don't know, are like really big meat balls, made with ham. They tend to have a sweet & sour glaze or sauce to them. They are sooooo good.

When RAGBRAI (the Register's Annual Great Bike Ride Across Iowa) came through town a year and a half ago, we hosted a Ham Ball Dinner with our "Out of the Park Ham Balls" and it was a really big hit. Since then, we've been looking for some opportunity to have another supper with these delicious hunks o ham - and our youth mission trip was the perfect cause.

worn out.

I am absolutely exhausted today. I think in many ways I'm just trying to get caught up from an overly busy and stressful week. We have a fundraiser dinner for our kids on Sunday that I've been getting ready for and in the midst of all of it, I have been working on some medical appointments for myself.

Evidently, what I had assumed were acid reflux attacks are actually gallstones. And my gallbladder needs to come out. Which actually is a HUGE relief for me. After I found out that it might be gallstones I started doing a ton of research and it really fits the symptoms that I have been experiencing. As does acid reflux. But if it is mostly gallstones - that means that many of my symptoms might go away. I had gotten so used to a number of the things happening in my body, I thought they were normal. I'm looking forward to actually BEING normal again. But until I got the results, there was a lot of stressful waiting. And now there is waiting to see when exactly the surgery will be scheduled and how much I need to do beforehand to prepare for my time off. And a huge part of me just wants to do it now - get it all taken care of, and have a solid week off to breathe and recouperate. It would be nice to get it done before Lent starts. But then again - that means finding someone to fill in for me on very short notice.

We also had two funerals in our church this week, and I have gotten back on track with visitation of our homebound members. But in my efforts to catch up, it meant that I visited five people in one day - which has me socially spent. I never doubt that I'm an introvert after visiting with people. They are dear and wonderful people, but it takes a lot of energy for me to spend time with people. As opposed to extroverts who gain energy when they spend time with people.

I really want to curl up all day - but I need to get the bidding sheets done for our auction, and I need to get the fancy Japanese beer for our Asian inspired fondu party in honor of Valentine's Day with my sister and brother in-laws. Crap. And practice guitar. I'm taking lessons from my brother in law, but I always forget to practice. well, with the busy week I had, I didn't take the time.

hard times

in our school community in this past year, ten students have made suicide attempts. thankfully, none have been successful.

last night, a panel was brought together for a community discussion about the issue and how we as a town can be more supportive of the students in our midst who are really having a tough time right now.

I don't know what all of the factors are. I'm not sure if it is peer pressure and feelings of exclusion and isolation. Or stresses from their parent's economic situation. Or the struggles of being a teenager who loves passionately and whose hearts are broken easily. Or the dangers and ups and downs of alcohol and drug use. It is probably different for each and every single one of our kids. And they all need our support.

Everyone there wanted to help. They all want to make our community the type of place where this never happens. But what I think (hope) we all got out of that conversation was that 1) we can't make the problems go away and 2) all we can do is be there... truly be there for our kids. That means listening to them. That means paying attention to their problems. That means asking hard questions - including asking whether or not someone has been thinking about suicide.

I wonder if any of my kids feel like they can come to me when they are facing problems and depression. I hope that they would. I hope that I have communicated that to them. But I also know that as I work with them as a large group each week, I haven't had the time to get to know each of them on a one-on-one basis. That is something I really really want to do this year.

FF: My Favorite Things

From Rev Gals:

In a week of wondering how various things in our family life will unfold, I found myself thinking of the way Maria comforted the Von Trapp children in one of my favorite movies. Frightened by a thunder storm, the children descend upon her, and she sings to them about her favorite things, taking their minds off the storm.

So, let's encourage ourselves. Share with us five of your favorite things. Use words or pictures, whatever expresses it best.

1. A cat curled up in the crook of my knee. There is nothing better in the world than Tiki or Turbo curled up next to me. The warmth of their bodies, the love and affection, that sense that they just want to be close to you - even though there are countless other places to rest. It is amazing.

2. Fire. Doesn't matter if its a campfire in the summer or a blazing fireplace in the winter or the flicker of a candle in a dark room. Fire is so alive and powerful and passionate and it dances and warms you to the core.

3. Girl's Night. In Nashville, Girl's Night was every Tuesday evening. Drinks, dinner, bitching, joys, loves lost, school stresses, family troubles, new opportunities - there is nothing better than sharing that with people who you feel completely safe with over really really good food and drinks. I especially miss the lemon martinis at cabana and their sweet potato sliders.

4. Wi-Fi. It lets you carry the world with you. Free from wires, you can sit with a hazelnut latte at a coffee shop (or McDonald's these days) and talk with friends around the world, read some of the greatest thoughts of our generation, know what's going on in our political and economic landscape, and watch the funniest crap in the world on youtube.

5. Sit-Down Meals. We don't eat this way very often in my house, but I want to do it more. With no distractions, sit down meals are about family and people and relationships and about the food. They are where we talk about our days and catch up and reflect upon it all. When I have kids, it will be where they have a voice, they have the floor and where we all pay attention and listen to one another.

dos lenguas

I have been blessed to be able to work with other pastors in our district on a new hispanic ministry opportunity. We are working to build a monthly bi-lingual worship called "Two Languages, One Flame" and we had our second official meeting to plan today.

We talked a lot about how in many senses, most of us are gringos trying to do this for others. But what is really important is that we do have some partners in the hispanic community who are partnering with us, and we are just the starting point. Ideally, this is a shared cultural experience, where we have the opportunity to learn and worship in Spanish, and the hispanic community learns and worships in English. And as we worship, we help one another to discover gifts and talents and our dream is that a church will be born out of this community.

As we begin planning, one thing we are not aiming for is perfection. =) At least not yet. For me, it is much more important for the worship to be vital and authentic and from the heart - and if we make mistakes in translation along the way, we will laugh together about it and move on. We just want to praise God in two tongues through the power of the Holy Spirit that we share. If we do that, nothing else matters.

Falling Behind

I definately have not been blogging as frequently as I planned at the beginning of the year. If I'm completely honest with ya'll it's because I've been sucked into the vortex of trying to get "Loremaster" of Kalimdor and Eastern Kingdoms in the game World of Warcraft. Basically, you have to do 700 quests on each continent in order to get the title. Last night, I completed 700 on Kalimdor and have only 100 left on Eastern Kingdoms. I'm a nerd. A complete nerd. And I don't really care.

That has basically what I've been doing in my free time. Which means no time left to blog.

Church work has been very fruitful in the past few weeks. I was in a bit of a preaching rut, but I dug myself out of it on Sunday. We had a baptism, communion and an ad board meeting all in the span of the morning - and so I knew that my sermon needed to be much shorter than normal. And having to focus on being concise really helped the message. Our speaker system also was malfunctioning, so I preached without amplification, which also made me consciously enunciate more and put more emphasis and passion behind what I was saying. Not that I wouldn't have meant it the same way before... but I really felt strongly about this sermon on forgiveness, felt like God was calling me to say some things, and not only did I say them, but the Holy Spirit helped them to make contact with a number of people. I actually felt energized by worship, instead of that feeling of just being absolutely spent when I got home.

Ironically, it was a message that really came true in my life later that day. God has a way of hitting us upside the head sometimes and more often than not, I find out that the message I'm preparing is as much for myself as for the congregation. We really are all on this human journey together.

Yesterday I got a great surprise when I recieved an email from someone who is in the local hospital. They were in need of some conversation and faith wrestling and found my email and our church through our website. It was the first time I've heard about our website having an impact on others, being a vehicle for invitation, and all of the time I spent on the site really has paid off, just in the one conversation I got to have with her today. If the site was shut down tomorrow, I know that it has served it's purpose. Hopefully, it will continue to be a place for connection.

opportunity knocking?

I got an email from my college chaplain yesterday, wanting to know if I wanted to apply for his job.

He's asking for a pastoral appointment in the conference and so my alma mater is hiring a new chaplain.

I kind of freaked out a bit when I got the email. I really wasn't quite sure what to think, although I was honored to be thought of. I've been stuck in a rut this week, really wanting more professional colleagues, more intellectual discussions, wanting to get out of the cycle of having to preach. every. week. And so 10% of my being thought... wow - this could be exactly what I need right now!

But I really feel called to be in this congregation. We are only just beginning to really get things moving and started and the momentum is good. We are going to shake up this town in the next two years, I can completely feel it. And I'm ready and they are ready and I can't leave them right now. We are just getting settled into our home, we are close to our family, and working on building those relationships... my dad wouldn't be close enough to come fix my car when it breaks down... lol.

I am where I need to be. And while I might want some of those things that working in the college setting would offer - I am needed here. and I need to be here to grow in the ways that God is challenging me to grow.

Ask me again in five years, and I might have a different answer.