tea and danish

I've blogged before about how church visitation makes my skin crawl.  It gets me all weirded out for no good reason at all.  It is one of two places that my "introverted" side really shines through - the other being the sheer exhaustion that comes over me when I finally get back home after a morning spent at church on a Sunday.

I think part of the reason visitation is so awkward for me (and not the actual visits... and not hospital visits or nursing home visits... its working up to the visit and actually arriving on the doorstep that is hard) is that I don't want to intrude on people's lives.  I don't want to show up unannounced.  I don't want to butt in.  I know lots of people who would prefer to simply be left alone.  Frankly, when someone shows up on my doorstep - even if I'm kind of expecting them - and I'm wearing my fuzzy red pajama pants and my glasses are on and my hair is hastily in a ponytail - I would rather not answer the door.  And I'm certainly not going to invite them in. 

SO.

big problem if you want to be a pastor who tends the flock.

Big problem that I think I have solved.

I now invite folks to invite me over.  Or invite them to stop by.  Or invite them to let me know where/when we can meet for coffee.

I'm sending out these little postcards to folks, one chunk of the alphabet at the time.  And they have the chance to mail them back or drop them in the offering plate and give me some feedback:

Sure- come on over to my house, and here are the times that are good for me.

How about we meet for coffee or lunch somewhere?

I would love to come into the church and visit with you in your office.

Thanks for the offer, but I am not interested in a personal visit at this time.

Just making that decision, to put the ball in my members court, was liberating. 

Today, I had my first visit in someone's home as a result of using these cards.  And it was awesome.  I got the grand tour of her house.  We had danish and cups of tea in the kitchen.  She sent me home with some apples from the tree in her backyard.  We talked about her family and the ways that she had served the church and she had the opportunity to ask me questions about a new position she was taking on for the next year.  And it was because she knew I was coming, and I knew she was expecting me, and because we both wanted to get to know one another better that we had such a wonderful time. 

In some ways, I felt like by using this new method I was cheating just a little bit, but after talking with my superintendent, he helped me to realize a few things.

First - this allows my congregation members to respond as they feel comfortable.  This is a german community and folks are pretty private.  They don't let you into their personal lives easily.  We would rather put on a proud face than admit we have problems and while we are quick to help out, we resist help from anyone else.  This method allows those who want to visit the opportunity to do so - in their own way.

Second - it takes the pressure off the cold calls.  It allows me to be more comfortable, because I already know that this particular person or family is expecting me.  They aren't worried about what their home looks like, because they invited me to come over.  They aren't rushing out the door for a soccer game, because this is a time that is good for them.  They are prepared for me to show up.  Or we are meeting somewhere at a specific time and have the chance to grab a cup of coffee and we both know that this time is set aside for a conversation.

Third - It lets folks know that I really do care about them, that I'm willing to make the effort to get out and see them... even if they are people that haven't been to church in ages.  Most of those folks are not going to return the cards.  And so the question that I'm struck with is - do I call and follow up?  Or do I respect their decision not to reach out?  I think the sentiment we ended on was that if I continue to make these kinds of efforts - not right away - but every once and a while - they'll know I really do care.  That I'm not pestering.  And that when they are ready - I will be too. 

absent

I've been away... yes, I realize this.

life has been far too busy to blog. But tonight I cleaned my desk off in my home office and I might actually have a place to blog in comfort again =)

FF: HGTV

From Rev Gals:

As some of you may know I am in the midst of my first home purchase. It is a new-build and so some of the fun was picking out upgrades and major decor items to my taste rather than walking into a previously owned home that needed to be upgraded room by room (pink and teal tiles in the bathroom, anyone?). As much as decorating is not my thing, I did try to embrace the moment because just how many times do you get to have a do-over on kitchen cabinets/floors/countertops?

And so, my questions to you this fine Friday involve your home past, present or future...

1) If you could, what room in the place you are currently living would you redo first?

I think the first room I would want to play with would be our family room downstairs. It is kind of empty and needs some love. We currently have a sectional couch from my parents basement, a microwave cart, a college tv stand, a dvd bookshelf and a small kitchen table with my husbands computer on it down there. It's sad.

I would start by painting the walls (I'm thinking red) and getting some great black and white posters to hang. I also have a number of black and white photos the we have taken and of family to put up. (right now the walls are bare)

I'd buy a larger game table for playing cards and board games and I would get a larger corner unit for the television. And then some storage items - like one of those great big square coffee tables with all the storage underneath.

2) What is the most hideous feature/color/decor item you have ever seen in a home?

I actually haven't lived in that many hideous houses... but the pastel, 80's era, geometric designed curtains in my in-laws dining room is probably the most hideous I can think of.

3) What feature do you most covet? Do you have it? If not, is it within reach?

A fireplace. Hands down. I was actually thinking about wanting a fireplace a few days ago, and then this week, we were looking through the history book that our church historian just completed, and in the article on the opening of this parsonage - there was a FIREPLACE in the living room. WHY was that taken out?

4) Your kitchen - love it or hate it? Why?

I really like my kitchen in the parsonage. All the cabinetry was done by a former pastor. It is HUGE and has lots of storage space. I might update the appliances a bit, but they are really just fine.

I think the only thing I would add would be shelves or a counter top in one corner. It is a dividing wall between the dining room/living room and an odd little corner. A breakfast nook wouldn't quite fit. We had a small kitchen table there for a while (see #1) but we really need a place to put recycling items and hide the litter box underneath. We never ate at the table while it was there, because the dining room is literally two steps away.

5) Here is $10,000 and you HAVE to spend it on the place you are living now. What do you do?

First, buy a bedroom suite. We currently have no headboard, and a scrappily put together suite a an endtable, a twin size headboard/shelving unit, and a dresser we got off of a curb at one point. I would love to have a matching set and two dressers - my husband just has too many t-shirts and could fill up our current one on his own.

Second, buy a game table for the basement. And a nice entertainment center/stereo system.

Third, redo the countertops in the kitchen to something that isn't white. I think that we have already stained at least one section from kool-aid. They look just fine, but soak up stains like you wouldn't believe.

Fourth, put new tile down in the basement laundry/bath room. It's like a 1970's orangish tan that really isn't that cheery.

BONUS: Why do you think there was such a surplus of ugly bathroom tile colors showcased in all homes built from the 1950's right through the early 80's?

lol... I forgot this was the bonus when I listed my final $10,000 makeover wish. Of course the bathroom tile is ugly... it had to match the advacado green toilets and sinks they were putting in.

Ironically, I really like advacado green. I painted my church office that color when I moved into it. And all the older women looked at me like I was crazy - but it looks really nice!

Take Me Home.

Today was bitterly cold outside. So cold in fact that they cancelled school. And I cancelled church activities. You just didn't want to go outside unless you had to. I'm not being a wuss - I'm talking record setting all time lows here - you would get frostbite in 7 minutes in this weather.

I have never been in weather that was quite this cold before. And I didn't really feel all that prepared for it. At least not footware wise.

The one trip I did make out of doors was to the nursing home for my monthly worship service there. And of course, I wore my cute little ankle boots with the pointed toe and heel.... but with fuzzy warm hot pink socks on underneath. I need a pair of uggs, or at least really warm boots, or something.

I really enjoy worshipping at the nursing home. I almost always share communion with them, and found that I am the only one who brings communion to their community worship. The Catholics have a separate mass, and the other denominations are more exclusive about who is welcome at the table. So, it is a joy to be able to walk around the room and share the bread of heave and the cup of salvation with these dear old folk.

Today, however, I largely used the service from the previous Sunday in church, and so we remembered our baptisms. I had a basin of water and invited them to dip their fingers in and remember that God loves them and has called them each by name. As I came to one woman, she said with joy, "I was baptized in the Iowa River!" Of course, there was the other woman who had fallen asleep and was gently nudged by her neighbor when I showed up with the bowl, but that is pretty typical with this group.

This congregation is largely women - in fact, I think there was only one man in worship today. His name is Bill and he is a beloved old member of my congregation. He was a farmer and milked cows by hand for 60+ years, which has caused his fingers to literally freeze up all curled together from the arthritis. I think about my dad and what he will be like at the age of 97 if he lives that long, and I see much the same type of body. A hard worker whose body has long ago worn out.

There was one woman in particular that I sat with after worship today. Her name is grace and all throughout the service, she asked who was going to take her home. At the end I had a chance to chat and she really wanted to know why she had gone outside in this weather and who was going to come and get her and take her home. I told her gently that this is her home now, this is where she belongs and there are wonderful people who are here to take care of her.

Partly it was her dementia, but partly, don't we all want someone to take us home? To take us back to that place of comfort and rest and belonging that we know so dear? And aren't there all of those songs that tell us we are just waiting to be rescued and taken to our eternal home?

We sing a lot of those songs in worship at the nursing home. "I'll Fly Away." "In the Garden." And I think what is hard for even us to understand is that THIS is our home. This is where we are meant to be right now. And we too, have to get used to this place, to find our place here, and figure out how we can be at home among one another.

gone

h

I found out yesterday that the house I grew up in burned to the ground.

It was a beautifully constructed old farmhouse. The woodwork was beautiful throughout the entire house, with built-in cabinetry throughout the house - stuff that you just don't see made any more. Some of the walls had been painted years and years ago and were practically frescos. When I was born, there still wasn't running water in the house (according to my baby book) and the entire time we lived there, there was no electricity in the upstairs bathroom. It had a beautiful cast iron clawfoot tub and I grew up taking baths in candlelight. We had a woodburning furnace in the house and as kids we would help dad chop wood and toss it into the basement through one of the windows.

My family still owns the property, although no one has lived in the house for eight years. We decided to build a new house and as we moved on with our lives, that house remained as a part of our past. There were no plans to sell the house and so we gradually moved out stuff into our new house - and what we didn't move, was just left.

We moved right after my senior year of high school, and the new house didn't quite feel like home yet, so as I prepared to go to college, many of the things that I just didn't have room to take with me, things from my childhood remained. Books that I had read as a child and then a teenager, scraps of memorobelia, clothes that I had grown out of, but didn't take the time to sort through and donate.

A few years ago, as I moved into my first apartment in divinity school I went back and got a table and chairs and an old writing desk to take with me. I keep trying to remember if there were other things in the house that were left behind and are now gone.

I always have had so many dreams for that house. While it was beautiful and had so much history, it was a sort of embarassment to me growing up... it always was in the need of repair and more love than we had the time or energy to give it... but I had dreams of someday restoring that house to its original beauty and either living there or turning it into a bed and breakfast or something. It would probably cost a half a million dollars to do so... but still, it was a dream.

I had so many plans this summer, now that we are back in the state, to head over there and sort through things. Throw out what we never intended to keep, find those treasures all over again and give things away. I even had a dream right after we had the tornados north of us that this same house had been completely wiped out by a tornado - and I woke up with the same regret and emptiness that I have today. I think I might have done something about that feeling, but with all of the flooding that hit a week later, there just wasn't time. I needed to be in other places, with other people.

All of that is now gone. My husband and I stopped by to see what remains. The charred ruins smouldered still. All that was recognizeable was the stone foundation and the porch that was right below my window. I sometimes used to sit on the roof of the porch - careful to avoid the weak spots. But not anymore.

our first iowa snow and our first houseguests

Yesterday we spent quite a lot of time picking up around the house and sorting things out. We sort of have our furniture in the living room set up – but definitely need some more pieces to fill out the space.

Our friends Cara and Paul came over last night too. We played a new board game Carcassone (thanks Joe, Mary, Kayla and Ben!) and Phase Ten, and then played some wii! Whee! As they were driving over the rain turned to ice which turned to snow and they had a hard time making it into town, so we had our first overnight guests in the guest room. Yay!

It snowed most of the night, but also blew a lot, so we don’t quite know how much we got for our first Iowa snowfall. Brandon is out shoveling the sidewalk and driveway right now with Cara’s help. Paul and I headed out shortly after and we switched on and off. Then, we headed to the Amana's for brunch. YUM!

Later, my little bro came over to help us make a Christmas present for my brother and sister-in-law. it was a ton of fun!

I wrote my first column for the church newsletter yesterday and I’m supposed to send it in, but unfortunately, without internet, it’s still stuck on my computer. It’s so weird to begin writing for all of these people, when I still don’t know them very well yet. I don’t know what they want to hear. But I guess that’s the point. I need to write from my heart and hope that with God’s help it will reach them.

domesticated

Brandon headed into Cedar Rapids to drop off his car at the shop (stupid check engine light) and bring a bunch of stuff from his dad’s house down. We are now closer to furnishing our big house! (if only we could sort through the boxes of memorabilia and clothes and books he had in storage in his Dad's basement)

Meanwhile, I unpacked the kitchen and did a ton of laundry! The house is closer to being unpacked – if only we could figure out what to do with all of the empty boxes and packing supplies! I am a little ashamed at how quickly Brandon and I slipped into gender roles, with me ironing our sheets and Brandon shoveling the sidewalk – eek! Now that we have an outside – Brandon definitely knows more about cars and raking and snowblowers than I do - it has made it easier to have more definate roles.

move-in day

Today was move in day. We actually spent the night on an air mattress last night, all alone in our big huge empty house. While the movers came about noon, we had church members at the house about 8am – shoveling the sidewalk from the recent ice storm and bringing over tons of food. We’ll have sloppy joes for a week (err...make that two!)
My dad came over also and helped unload the truck when it arrived – he just can’t sit still while people work! Everything arrived safe and sound, with the exception of Brandon’s desk which broke – for the third time in as many moves. He managed to glue it back together with epoxy however.
Another fantastic gift the church left us was a collection of gift certificates to local businesses. We headed over to the Pamida (which we learned, unfortunately, is owned by Wal-Mart… the evil empire strikes again!) and the Big “G” food store… as well as the local farm and home store. Most important purchase of the day: a snow shovel.
Also – note the deer dumpster! eek... yes, we are back in Iowa.

*edit* While we were informed about the Pamida/Wal-Mart connection, I can find no corroborating evidence... except that in 2006, Pamida hired a former Wal-Mart exec to be their CEO

wow, I haven't blogged on here for a while. I guess that's what happens when life gets busy and different priorities are set. I really want to get back into this, however, as I prepare for heading back to Iowa... yeah, I'm doing that in a few months, and I have been appointed to a church there. Nothing is "official" yet... so I'll tell you for sure in a few weeks. It is a small town congregation in Iowa, though.

I've been attending emergingumc: a gathering for the past few days... and i think i have a billion notes and insights. ideas about how to move forward in my faith. and feelings that i am NOT alone in this whole process. practical suggestions about how to begin changing the ethos of congregations and respond to the people around me.

i'm also currently working on my senior thesis... maybe i'll post a few insights here when i have time. its about how to take postmodern wesleyan theology and "emerging" practices and contextually bring them to the "farmlands of iowa." someone suggested I should try to publish it... and while that would be nice, it will be at least a year of loving on this congregation before I can earn enough trust and have enough conversations that in actuality i might be able to do it. so maybe my writing will be how i did the prep work, and the rest of the publication will be my own reflections on being a minister in that context and then how it starts to be fleshed out in the life of that particular church. and i think that WOULD be helpful to others.