Saturday night with the drag queens

Saturday night I had an awesome time helping my super best friend since fourth grade celebrate her impending nuptuials. AKA - Bachelorette Party!!! 

If I had been wiser, I would have taken Sunday off as one of my vacation days... but I am saving one for this spring when her wedding actually occurs.  As it was, I had to get up early, teach and preach the next morning.  Yet I promised her sister when I wrote back to RSVP that I would be there, but that she could count on me for a designated driver. 

As it worked out, I didn't have to drive at all until the very end of the night.  We had a blast stopping by the piano lounge, the downtown fieldhouse, and then making a stop at Club Basix.  For those who are not familiar, Club Basix is known as a "gay club."  Which was more than obvious when we walked in the door and the drag show started.

Now, if I am being honest, I have been to more than a few drag shows in my day.  We had them to raise money for the AIDS project of Central Iowa.  We went to them in divinity school (as a lady... it is much more comfortable to dance at the gay clubs - less guys hitting on you all the time!)  And now, I can say that I have been to one back home. 

As someone leaned over and mentioned soon after it was getting started: Where else can these people go in Cedar Rapids? (more on that thought later)

The show itself had its highs and lows.  There was one particular number that I was pretty appalled by... okay - it was raunchy and I had to turn away... but for the most part I enjoyed the experience.  I think the best was a rendition of "Bad Romance" by a queen in mismatched pastel boots, gold knickers, a red tutu, rhinestone glasses and a tie-dye shirt... it was ah-mazing.

Later that evening, we were dancing and headed outside for a second for some fresh air.  That particular queen was outside also and we struck up a conversation.  My friend, Cara, had been called out at the end of the show because of our celebrations and so she was asked about the wedding.  As she and I stood there, at one point, Cara replied - and she is marrying me!

It's true.  I am marrying her.  Well, I'm doing the marrying.  I'm doing the wedding... well, I'm a pastor - that's what we do!  However your phrase it.

So it came out that I was a minister.  And not a "get a license over the internet person" who performs weddings for people who frequent establishments like Club Basix.  (I was asked that.)   But a genuine, ordained, main-line pastor.  Out at a gay and lesbian night club at 1:30am on a Saturday night/Sunday morning. 

And do you know where the conversation turned?  To faith sharing.  Our new friend shared with us that she was baptized Methodist. We talked for a bit about the places we came from.  I was asked about gay marriage in Iowa and if I could perform those types of ceremonies. And she asked me to pray for her.  And I will.  I am.

My adventure at Club Basix began with a simple statement - where else can these people go in Cedar Rapids?  And it ended with the realization that there are a lot of hurt and broken people in that building.  Folks who have been shut out of families.  Individuals who feel scared and alone.  Friends who have built new families around one another... new communities of support because their churches turned them away. 

What better place for a pastor to visit?  What an amazing place to be able to talk, for even two minutes in the freezing cold outside, about the love of God?  To leave my own comfort zone, to go and be there on their terms, to listen, and to just be Christ's presence in that moment. There is no place that I would rather have been.

Both/And #reverb10

Being a fan of postmodern/emergent sorts of thoughts, I dig the "both/and."  Down with dichotomies. Yay for integration.

This year, when did you feel the most integrated with your body? Did you have a moment where there wasn’t mind and body, but simply a cohesive YOU, alive and present?

What an amazing question! 

Looking back on the journey of this year, there are two moments that really stand out as moments when I moved past the artificial distinction between my spirit and body and really claimed the fullness of who God created me to be.

The first would be my ordination.  So much of that day was surreal.  It was so large and expansive and crowded and yet intimate and personal.  My biological family and my church family came together to celebrate the day with me.  And kneeling up there with my mentors pressed in close around me, with three bishops' hands grabbing a hold of me, I felt bodily the spirit that is within me.  "Take authority!" came the voice and the spiritual calling and the physical person became one.  The feel of the linen cassocks, the brilliant reds of the stoles, the warmth of the hands, the weight, the smell of bodies and perfumes, the light, the word being proclaimed, the touch of the bible under my fingers... each of those experiences of my senses was intensely spiritual and holy.

The second moment is a bit more casual.  At a training session for the church, five folks gathered together at lunch.  We were lamenting the fact that we had rushed through the process and felt like we were fumbling.  We had come up with a theme - a launching point - a framework - for this process we were leading the congregation through and it had flopped.  It was forced.  It didn't work.  And we let go of it.

We sat there at lunch, near the warmth of the fire blazing at Pictured Rocks Camp, and we let the Spirit take over.  As we waited and listened and ate - we realized that eating is a spiritual discipline for our congregation.  Food is holy.  It brings us together.  The physical and the spiritual are one.  And when we got our own perspectives out of the way and made room for God it was amazing.  We transformed our entire process during that half an hour.  

it causes me to tremble...

Day two of our annual conference has completed.  We have voted on exactly 7 items of legislation. And we have celebrated and praised and prayed and remembered and sung and danced and ate and hugged and sat and walked and listened.

Some brief highlights for me so far:

• "Hi, I'm Fred."  Our "priest" for the conference introduced himself and welcomed us into a spirit of worshipful work and I truly have felt this particular time of conference has felt different because of it.
• advocating for young adults at our legislative section and dreaming up possibilities for community college ministries
• Rev. Doug Ruffle's challenges to be a sign, a foretaste, and an instrument of the Kingdom of God...
• crazy fast and delicious dinner at A Dong
• even though clergy session was inhumanely long - it had a wonderful spirit to it as we gathered to worship (thanks clergy band!) and celebrate the ministry we share... and have good conversation about itinerancy
• ordination!!!!!!  being surrounded by family and church members and friends, the weight of all of those hands upon me, the feeling of the bible underneath my fingers, singing with joy
• the reminders throughout the day of the gift of the scriptures:  Bishop Kulah talking about Jesus expounding the scriptures; Barbara Lundblad's take on radical love enfleshed in John's gospel (love that bends down, that reaches beyond, that puts people before rules, that is here in this moment, that renews itself as soon as you think it has ended); Bishop Job sharing what a day, a year, a decade's worth of living in the word can do for our lives; a friend's amazing rendition of a song from the musical Philemon during prayer;
• the Rethink Rock video
• the voices of young adults who stood to speak out of love for what they care about on the floor.
• sharing deeply with one another truths about things that have hurt us... so that we might give them over to God.
• our conference artist's work... and the poetic description of what God is sharing with us through it. The idea of being baptised into the suffering, death and resurrection of Jesus Christ being symbolized by a font filled with shards of glass... of chairs of hospitality inviting us to take our seat... the challenge that being radically hospitible brings... of the chair on the cross being an invocation - asking for God to enter our lives. 

I'm being ordained!!!

For two and a half years, I have been serving a congregation faithfully as a provisional elder in the United Methodist Church. And on June 6, I will be ordained at our Iowa Annual Conference and I will become an elder in full connection.


This whole process started back in 2002, when I was a junior in college. The process is fairly long, with a lot of hoops to jump through, but each one of them are designed to help provide me and other candidates with encouragement and to help us to clarify our calling.

When I began the process, for example, I felt I was being called to ministry as an ordained deacon. Deacons are focused more on servant ministry and while sometimes they are found in churches (as Christian Educators or Music Ministers), they are often found in places other than the church. They can be teachers or doctors or nurses or lawyers or therapists – their calling is to connect the church with the world.

So I went through the “red book” and was assigned a mentor. And together we sorted our way through the “blue book” – a spiral bound monster of a book that talks about biblical history, asks you to examine your family and your culture.. When I completed that study I became an inquiring candidate for ministry.

Then came the “purple book.” My mentor and I continued to discern and refine my calling and I knew that seminary was in my future. So I became a certified candidate for ministry, approved by the Pastor-Parish Relations committee of my home church, and headed off to Nashville in 2004.

For those who want to be ordained, a masters degree in divinity (or theological studies for deacons) is a requirement. At Vanderbilt Divinity School, I still planned on becoming a deacon and was trying to figure out what that might look like. But my experiences serving a church and especially participating in the sacraments led me to realize that my true calling was to be ordained as an elder.

The next step in the process was to be commissioned. I submitted a written exam, a bible study that I had prepared and video taped sermons that I had presented in Nashville. And then I had an interview with a team from the Board of Ordained Ministry here in Iowa. In 2007, I was commissioned as a provisional elder in the United Methodist Church and when I graduated that December from seminary, I came here to Marengo!

According to our Discipline, I must be in residency for at least two years before I can be fully ordained as an elder. So that is what these past two and a half years have been for me. I have learned so much from you and I couldn’t have asked for a better placement. This past December I submitted again a written exam and examples of my preaching and teaching (which totaled 40 pages!) and on April 8th I was approved for ordination.

So what comes next? What changes now that I am being ordained?

Nothing! Absolutely nothing. God willing, I will remain serving my church in the same capacity that I have been. There are a few things that I will get to do, like serving the sacraments outside of my congregational context, but for the most part, I will continue doing what I have been all along.

And I am so excited to jump through that last hoop =)

the Christian journey

How do you understand the following traditional evangelical doctrines: a) repentance; b) justification; c) regeneration; d) sanctification? What are the marks of the Christian life?

Whenever I think of the Christian life, a quote I heard Anne Lamott give (whether or not it actually originated with her) comes to mind: God loves you just the way you are… and loves you too much to let you stay there. The Christian faith journey is just that – a journey, a process of discovering our true selves as created by God. In many ways, these four doctrines are lacking because they don’t acknowledge one that must precede them – God’s prevenient grace that allows us to see our need for repentance. The wonder of God is that the instant we recognize our sinful state is the same moment justifying grace is extended to us; in acknowledging our sin we are given grace by which we can be transformed. This begins a lifelong process of growth and transformation and practice and mistakes and setbacks and return to God for forgiveness and renewal and going on to perfection that makes the Christian life.

We can see evidence of that growth through the three very basic and simple virtues – faith, hope, and love. Working on these papers, a quote was shared with me from Teresa Fry Brown that claims, “Hope hearing the song of the future. Faith is the courage to dance to it.” I would add that love is inviting others to take your hand and join in. We were created for relationship with God and with the rest of creation. Unless we are willing to take a leap of faith and actively participate in the transformative love of God, unless we are willing to have hope in the promise that all of creation will be renewed, we are denying the precious gift we have been given and continue to be in need of God’s grace.

Photo by: Stephen Eastop

what are we saved for?

What is your understanding of a) the Kingdom of God; b) the Resurrection; c) eternal life?

As I think about this question, the words from the funeral liturgy keep coming back to me: In the sure and certain hope of the resurrection to eternal life through our Lord Jesus Christ. In the past two years, I have buried many individuals that I never had the chance to know in this lifetime. Our denomination is a bit more inclusive that some of the others in our community and so I am often called in to lay to rest people who have had no faith affiliation. In many cases, I am not sure at all what was in their hearts about God.

This question for me is about redemption and about who receives it and about when we receive it. In the resurrection of Christ, we glimpse the radical and transformative power of God. It is not something that we can harness, grasp, or earn apart from the gracious act of God. That power is what re-creates not only individual lives but the entirety of God’s creation and when we talk about the completion of that transformation – we are talking about the Kingdom of God. We began to see glimpses of that reality through the life of Christ and we participate in that Kingdom now only through his power. How it will be finished, when it will come, what it will look like is completely beyond us, yet we are still responsible for embodying that kingdom sacramentally here and now in our own lives.

So when I stand before a family and I place my hand on a cold metal casket and say the words, “in sure and certain hope of the resurrection to eternal life through our Lord Jesus Christ,” I am placing that person in God’s hands. I stand there as a witness to the power of God to redeem. I stand there as a witness to the fact that Christ holds the keys to hell and death. I stand there as a witness to the hope I have for that person’s life – a hope that carries beyond their death. This past summer, I was profoundly impacted by the words of German theologian, Jürgen Moltmann. He said, “…if a life was cut short, God will bring what he had begun for the human being to its intended end and death cannot hinder God to do this, because God is God, and cannot be overcome by death.” So I cannot know the future of the man or woman I bury, but I do have sure and certain hope in the Lord of the Kingdom of God and the power of God’s transformative love and the promise that all things will be made new.

the Church

Describe the nature and mission of the Church. What are its primary tasks today?

If the sacraments call us into the world, the church is the “us” that is called. In my previous paperwork, I talked about the church being the place where we come to know and begin to embody the Kingdom of God – but as I have grown in my understanding of the church, I realize more than ever that the church is not a place, but a people. It is the community in which we first participate in the means of grace and the Body of Christ that sends us forth in mission to the world.

I would heartily agree with our denominational vision that we are called to make disciples of Jesus Christ for the transformation of the world – but how we define “church” dramatically changes how we understand that mission. If the church is a people, then our task is not necessarily to get someone to join a particular congregation, but to invite them into the journey of faith – a journey that may never take them inside the four walls of a traditional congregational building. They may worship God with other believers in a house church, or study the bible in an intentional community of faith that meets at the local bar, or be a part of a new monastic community.

As I have been in conversation with emergent and missional theologies, I have begun to drawn a distinction between the church and the congregation, the church being the fullness of the body of Christ – not limited to a building, or a congregation or even a denomination. That is not to say that the congregation and denomination are unimportant. They are the institutional partners that provide structure and support for the work of the church in the world. But I think what is key is that the mission of the church lies outside of the bounds of any particular congregation or denomination. As I have taught this in my own congregation, we remember that the church is to embody the Kingdom of God in all that we do. We are the church when we are at work, when we are at play, and we are the church to each and every single person that we meet. We carry with us the faith, hope, and love that have sustained us in our journey and we invite others to be travelers on that journey with us.

Photo by: Jascha Hoste

Touching and Tasting God's Love

What is the meaning and significance of the sacraments?

In the sacraments of our church, ordinary things like bread and grape juice and water become vehicles of God’s divine grace. We gather as a community not only to acknowledge God’s presence with us, but we are each able to reach out and experience for ourselves the holy. We feel the cool water of cleansing beneath our fingertips. We smell the loving warmth of freshly baked bread. We taste the sweetness of God’s grace. We hear the water being poured out like streams of righteousness and hear the bread of heaven being broken for us. We see into the eyes of our brothers and sisters and find Christ there. Our sacraments not only remind us that God-is-with-us… the sacraments enable us to experience God-with-us, Emmanuel.

In baptism, we are washed clean of past transgressions and we are marked as children of God. We are given new life through those waters – a life that begins in community. In the sacrament of communion, we are not only reminded of the covenant Christ made with us, but invited to participate in its coming – we experience a foretaste of the heavenly banquet. Time stands still when we invite God’s sacramental presence into our lives and we are swept up into the divine reality. But the sacraments are not merely mountaintop experiences - both of these sacraments transform us so that we become different. We become initiated into the priesthood of all believers and in the confirmation of our baptisms take vows to resist evil and injustice and oppression. We pray that we might be for the world the body of Christ, redeemed by his blood. The sacraments call us into the world.

The Most Effective Witness

For the sake of the mission of Jesus Christ in the world and the most effective witness to the Christian gospel and in consideration of your influence as an ordained minister, are you willing to make a complete dedication of yourself to the highest ideals of the Christian life; and to this end will you agree to exercise responsible self-control by personal habits conducive to physical health, intentional intellectual development, fidelity in marriage and celibacy in singleness, integrity in all personal relationships, social responsibility, and growth in grace and the knowledge and love of God?

Above all, this question is about whether I am committed to not only talking the talk, but also walking the walk. In a word, yes!

I must admit there are times when the weight of this task and calling feels very heavy. I am only human, after all, and I am still on this Christian journey, just like the rest of my brothers and sisters in Christ. What I can do, however, is to embody a healthy and constructive lifestyle to the best of my ability and empower the congregation to do so in their on lives. But where I struggle personally, I must not hide my sin, but I must be honest and ask my congregation to join me as I wrestle to be more faithful.

Our world is torn in two by excess and lack of basic necessities. We see it in dietary illnesses like obesity and anorexia, in the sexual scandals of religious leaders and politicians and sports stars, in the consumerism that runs rampant while children are dying for lack of shelter and medicine. And all of these things we hide or we forget as we rush to make sure the bulletins are printed or the ushers are doing their jobs. Our faithfulness as Christians – our dedication to the highest ideals of the Christian life – come not from these menial tasks, but in how we care for our bodies and the bodies of those around us; how we advocate for our own mental health and that of those around us; how we use and not abuse the soil and the water and the air that surrounds us. All of these must have a place not only in my personal life, but in the worship I share with my congregation and in the witness of our church.

Photo by: "clix"

Sources of Revelation

The United Methodist Church holds that Scripture, tradition, experience, and reason are sources and norms for belief and practice, but that the Bible is primary among them. What is your understanding of this theological position of the church?

In traditional Wesleyan thinking, scripture must be the central source of theology and all of the other three means listed above are secondary. Yet, that can create an interesting dilemma. Do we use scripture to interpret our experiences and to put hedges around our tradition and to limit our reasoning, or are each of the three ways of interpreting and using said scripture. I think that one of the challenges presented by both postmodernity and the emergent movement is that we are in all cases limited by our human finitude. We simply cannot go back and use scripture in a vacuum. We always interpret it through a lens, through a glass dimly. Our historical understandings of events are culturally flavored. And scientific advances have also challenged tried and true scriptural understandings, leaving us to ask whether we read passages in scripture as absolute truth or as humanity’s best understanding of events, at the time, as inspired by God.

I think the best way of defining our norms and practices is to hold all four of these sources as important and yet also realize that even grounded in all four of these, we might not have the full picture. Our practices and our beliefs might still need to grow and change as we grow in our faithfulness towards the God of all creation. One of the gifts that postmodernity brings is the idea of the intersubjective – that which we hold as a community in common. It allows us to discern together what the best practices are for us right now as we attempt to be faithful, and yet also leaves open the possibility that another truth, a better practice, a more precise or expansive norm may exist.

In effect, that is what we do through conferencing. We leave open the possibility that the Holy Spirit still has places to move us. We share our stories and allow ourselves to be formed by others. We read the bible through new eyes when we hear it read at General Conference in the voice of a brother from India or a sister from Africa. We can communally gain a more holistic picture of God than our own subjective experiences and methods of reasoning and traditions and even versions of the scriptures permit.

Photo by: Jon Wisbey

The Other Two... Christ & the Holy Spirit

What changes has the practice of ministry had on your understanding of a) the “lordship of Jesus Christ,” and b) the work of the Holy Spirit?

In my ministry, my understanding of the lordship of Christ has not changed much at all, but I have had the opportunity to preach and teach the Kingdom that Christ brings. Some of the sermons that made me the most nervous throughout these past two years have been those that have dealt with this very topic. And yet, in everything I do, I have tried to stretch our understandings of who Jesus is beyond merely our personal salvation. We have talked about priorities, we have placed Christ’s Kingdom alongside nationalism, we have been reminded that Christ came not with a sword but in a manger, and that we follow a lord who calls us to follow him to the cross. But above all, I am constantly reminded that our lord died so that we might all have life and life abundant.

My understanding of the Holy Spirit, however, has been dramatically deepened. While before I may have theoretically thought of the Spirit as the agent of life and creativity, every Sunday as I stand to preach, I know that the words that come out of my mouth are there only through the Spirit’s prompting. As I held my newborn nephew this fall, I was dazzled by the gift of life. As the youth that traveled with me to Tennessee for a mission trip this past summer stood in front of the congregation to tell their stories, I saw the Holy Spirit lighting a spark in their eyes and changing them forever. As I witnessed a great-grandmother say yes to a call from God and become a lay speaker in our church and then preach with less than a week’s notice – the Holy Spirit was there working. She gives us life and helps us to grow more into Christ’s likeness each and every single day.

The Human Condition

What effect has the practice of ministry had on your understanding of humanity and the need for divine grace?

Over and over again I am reminded about our utter need for grace. In my own life and ministry the work I do would not be effective or positive if it were not for God’s grace. As someone who is beginning this journey of ministry I make more mistakes that I would care to admit, and yet somehow God takes my feeble and human attempts at faithfulness and transforms them mightily. This fall, I was called to the bedside of a congregation member who was actively dying and the family wanted me to say a prayer with him before he passed. In my vanity, I had worn this cute pair of boots, but they were very loud as I stepped into the room. Embarrassed, I tried to take them off so that I wouldn’t disturb the peacefulness and the quiet music in the background. By the time I got my boots off and moved over to the side of the bed and began my prayer, he was taking his last breath. At first, I was angry with myself for having worn the wrong shoes and for taking so long. But the first comment out of his son’s mouth was about how wonderful it was that his father had passed from this world in the midst of prayer.

My understanding of humanity has also been tried and tested in my congregational work. We welcomed a gentleman back into our congregation after he had been in some trouble. Overall, our congregation was very gracious and welcoming! After some time had passed, even connected with our community, he found himself in trouble once again. I think for the first time, I really saw the destructive powers of sin in someone’s life – sin that not only imprisoned his spirit, but also led once again to the imprisonment of his body. And yet through it all, we have continued to be in relationship with him. I was amazed by his power to seek and ask God’s forgiveness and the fact that he kept praying for us in the midst of his struggles.

I have also worked a lot with families in need in our area. As I work with them, I am reminded about how little power so many people have to change their lives. Sin (our own and that of others) digs us into deep holes and creates patterns that we cannot even imagine being different. It isolates us from the help we need and from relationships of love, kindness and mercy. Only by the grace of God can we as a church continue to have the patience to minister to these families and maintain the relationships… and only by the grace of God can their hearts and minds be transformed. But I am also reminded that as a part of this relationship there must be honesty and accountability – there must be confession and a desire for repentance in order for God’s grace to transform our lives.

Photo by: Mateusz Stachowski

Doctrine of God... or something.

When I submitted my candidacy papers, I had just finished Constructive Theology.  I was in a totally heady space, although I also had a lot of practical application involved. 

In my first round of papers, here is how I talked about God:

We have come to know and trust in God primarily through scripture – which holds the accounts of faithful witnesses to God’s work in history. There we learn that the God we worship is not a passive entity, but jealous, powerful, and always seeking relationship with creation. While some theologians begin with the via positiva or via negativa to describe God, Wesleyan theology begins with the scriptures and from that place, redefines the “natural characteristics” of God. We come to know God’s nature through the covenant made with the Hebrew people and the new covenant of Jesus Christ, as well as the continuing witness of the Holy Spirit. Above all, these actions tell us that God works in ways that invite human response and gives us the power to respond in faith. This is particularly true in regards to God’s power – which Randy Maddox argues must “not be defined or defended in any way that undercuts human responsibility.” God seeks to work in co-operative ways; ways that build, rather than destroy, relationship...

In his own time, Wesley was familiar with not only the Western notions of the divine, but also explored Eastern conceptions as well, which Maddox claims influenced his theology in subtle, though profound ways. Though he never directly claimed the Eastern Orthodox understanding of perichoresis as a description of the Trinity, it is not disconsonant with other of his claims, and in fact helps us to comprehend the relational nature of God. If our sources and the ways in which God is revealed are diverse (the economic Trinity) and yet always in need of one another, it would make sense to assume that God’s internal relations (the immanent Trinity) are likewise diverse and in need of a constant dance.

I still remember one of my Board of Ministry team members saying:  I was a little worried about you after I read the answers to your first question... but then you got more practical. 

Note to that team member:  I actually did teach perichoresis... in a children's sermon, nonetheless... we got up and danced in a circle and it was fabulous.

The ordination papers as I understand them are meant to be more practical and experiential.  So here is my answer to the question:

How has the practice of ministry affected your experience and understanding of God?

I have always firmly believed that God is relational and so it will come as no surprise that I have found and experienced God in the midst of the congregation. The lives of my parishioners carry on the story of God that was begun with the Hebrew people and we weave together our experience of God with the scriptures that have been passed on to us for future generations.

That understanding of God, however, has been most directly challenged and stretched in the practice of ministry through encountering over and over again the via positiva. So many in my congregation experience God as omnipotent, omni-present and omniscient and therefore see every minute detail of their lives as having been directly set into motion by the God of the universe. On the one hand, it gives me pause as I think about how various pieces of my own life have fallen into place by the grace of God. On the other hand, as a Wesleyan theologian, I also want to fight against determinism. I still hold firmly an understanding of God derived from scriptures – that God works in ways that invite human response and gives us the power to respond in faith, a god that allows it to rain on the just and unjust alike. I recoil when I hear a congregation member talk about how God caused something to happen in their life in order to bring them to faith. While it may be the result of such a time of tragedy that brought about their faith, I refuse to believe God causes pain and suffering in one person in order to reach another.

As I work with congregational members as their pastor and teacher, being able to talk about our Triune God, is immensely powerful. I can share with them my firm belief that in all situations, the Father of us all has always desired a relationship with each one of us. I can talk with them about the sacrificial love of Christ Jesus who died so that we might live… who died to bring us faith so that others do not have to die or suffer for that reason. I can talk about the Holy Comforter walking with each and every single one of us through the valley of the shadow of death. Our encounter with God in the scriptures is so much richer and deeper than any attribute we might postulate about our creator and redeemer and sanctifier.

Photo by: William Vermeulen

Goodbye Ordination Papers!!!

The past few weeks, really two months, I have been working here and there and everywhere on my ordination papers.  And they are finally finished and in the mail system. And it feels like a huge load off of my life.

As I thought about all the work that went into them, all the ways that I have grown and changed in the past three years, I realized that if all of that work is not only for the five people who will read it for my BoOM interview.  It is who I am, and how I go about ministry.  So I might as well share. 

In the next days/weeks, I will be posting some of my answers to the many questions out of the Book of Discipline that we have to answer.  Feel free to comment back, challenge me, agree with me, and keep wrestling.  Enjoy!

pull to plant

This week I've spent a lot of time outside.  For Pastor Appreciation Month my congregation gave me a gift certificate to Earl May and some gardening tools.  And it was an extremely meaningful gift because a) it means that they understand some of the ways that I take care of myself (gardening) and b) it allowed me to get some things done in the midst of the stressful time of ordination papers too. 

To be honest - if I hadn't recieved that gift, the south side of my house would still be a mess.  There would be tall grasses and crazy trees and weeds and leaves all over.  I affectionately have referred to it as the eyesore on the south side. At least once before I've tried to clear the area - but then when our plants didn't arrive, it soon grew back over. 

So this past week - in the amazing warm weather for the first week of November (in the 50's) I've taken a few hours each day to slowly but surely work on it. 

Monday, my mom went with me to pick out some shrubs and bulbs and then helped me do some clearing.  Throughout the week I've dug out stumps, removed the plastic underlayer, pulled weeds, broke a shovel and have some nasty bruises to show for my work.

Then yesterday - the shrubs went in the ground.  There are two "fire chief" conifers, a blueberry plant, and a mandarin azaela.  Today after the Iowa game I will probably be working on planting some tulip, crocus and dafodill bulbs.

In the midst of all of that, I had some time to think.  About how overgrown other areas of my life are and where the chaos needs to be put in order and weeded and new things planted.  The truth is that new things cannot take root unless room is made - unless everything else moves away.

As a pastor this is absolutely true.  The last week in October I tried to work on my papers, but I left too many of my other responsibilities in the way.  I got very little done and it took a lot of effort to get there.  But this week I took time away from my other tasks, escaped to coffee shops and my office and progress was made.

As I try to nurture leadership development - I have to get myself out of the way and pull up my roots so that there is room for new leaders to emerge.  I'm thinking about various ways to encourage new growth in the congregation and to fertilize those who have said yes, but aren't sure of their new surroundings.  A leadership retreat is definately in my plans - but I'm also thinking about restructuring our meeting arrangements so that more than one group meets at once, and I move between groups.  Not having me to rely on means that others will have to take over the reigns - but I can also be there when they do need me. My real task needs to be working with leaders, not running the meetings.

That arrangement would also free up more time to meet individually with leaders in the congregation, do the visitation of our homebound members, and build relationships with our youth and families.

ordination papers and other tasks

This morning I put a sign up at the church letting people know that I would be working from home for the next two weeks.  The big reason:  Ordination Papers.

I had originally planned on just getting out of dodge for a full week and going somewhere quiet where no one would bother me.  But I can't find a full week anywhere in my schedule.  And realistically - I would die of boredom holed up somewhere with only my laptop and some books to keep me company.  I need to work on this gradually - a few hours at a time - and then know that I can watch my favorite television shows at night and cuddle with my hubby.  Well, all of those things plus the fact that I never actually scheduled a full week off to do this and I can't find any time in my schedule now to make it happen. 

So instead, I'm going to keep myself away from the lure of the office and hole up in my office at home.  I'm going to light some candles and wrap myself in an afghan and sit on the couch and work.  I'm going to keep Pandora going in the background and use up all of my 40 hours... and then get another 40 hours the second week with the change in the month!  I have already cleaned the house, the laundry has been caught up and so there aren't unnecessary distractions to worry about there. I'm also planning on taking a couple of walks here and there out in the fall leaves for some spiritual renewal in the process.

The only real distractions I face are two-fold: the everyday church stuff that needs accomplished - bulletins, newsletter, advent prep and msn games.  I'm covenanting with myself not to play zuma or mah-jong tiles for the next two weeks. And I'm going to bust out the church work this afternoon - at home, in the safety of my office - so that it's done and I won't worry about it when I get going on something else.  I'm going to create bulletins and then on Wednesday - while my wonderful volunteers are putting together the newsletters I'm going to print out - ahead of time - all of the bulletins.  It will be done, and I will be able to spend the next week and a half focusing on what I have to do.

Keep me in your prayers as I first get some tasks accomplished and then dive head first into 40 pages of work!!!

*sigh of relief*

Today was my BoOM continuance examination. In 2007 I was commissioned as a probationary (now provisional) elder and so last year and this year, I meet with my examination team to be continued in the process. THIS DECEMBER I will submit my papers for ordination.

I wasn't too worried about the whole process, and really, was more looking forward to being in Des Moines for the day and getting out of town AND getting to spend some time with two blessed, smart, amazing women in ministry.

I headed out at 9am - had my examination (which went fine!) and then got to go shopping. I used a gift card we had from Pottery Barn (thanks Anna!) and sampled the tea at Teavana. I got my oil in the car changed! I dropped off resources at the Iowa Religoius Media Services office. I had a white chocolate mocha at Starbucks. I found an amazing jade green top at Banana Republic.

And then I headed BACK to the interview sight to meet Anna and Paula for dinner. We thought it was pretty amazing that we all got scheduled on the same day and spent a lot of time praying for and sharing with one another before today. And then we had some AMAZING Thai food and FANTASTIC conversation at a great place in Des Moines called Cool Basil. Yum.

The only downside of the whole day was the heavy rain the whole way home. Rain + poor car lights + stupid steering column = a LONG drive home.

Numbers.

This Wednesday morning, like almost every Wednesday morning, I headed over to the local cafe for breakfast with other area pastors. Normally it is me and the LCMS pastor and the DCE from his church and it's quite an odd combination. But we get along really well and have some fantastic conversations.

Occasionally we are joined by one or another pastor from town... this morning it was the Presbyterian pastor. If the ELCA Lutheran pastor comes, then I'm not the only female, but I haven't seen her for a while.

I'm pretty routine about what I order. A cup of earl grey tea and a pancake. Sometimes a side of bacon. It depends on how much I want to clog my arteries that particular morning.

After breakfast with the lectionary group, I head back to church to study the bible with a small group of parishoners. They like to read through whole books at a time, so when I arrived last January, they were in the middle of Isaiah. They got through the prophets and decided to start at the beginning, with Genesis. We started Numbers today and I am always amazed at the repetition of so many passages in the bible. So and So's family number forty thousand two hundred and fifty men, over the age of twenty, who were able to serve the lord. So and so's family numbered.... you get the picture. We skipped some of the repetition this morning =)

It is so hard to imagine that the numbers describe in Numbers are possible. That over a million people would have been moving nomadically together through the wilderness. As we listened to each other describe each clan's task in the movement and protection of the tabernacle, I got to thinking about a book I read recently, Water for Elephants. It describes the journey of a young man who joins a circus train, and I got to thinking about how the whole circus comes to town and how the big tent and everything gets unloaded and put up seemingly in a moment. And when the circus is ready to move, everything gets torn down again in the blink of an eye. It seems like as close of a paralell as anything else I can imagine for what it must have been like to travel with the tabernacle of God.

I spent the rest of my day at work finishing my candidacy continuance interview forms. In our church, you are commissioned first and then must be continued for the next two years, and then finally you can apply for ordination (complete with about 50 pages of papers and lessons and sermons). I'm grateful in the busyness of this year that I didn't have to write all of those papers. But even getting the short questions I had to answer done seemed like a chore. So many copies to be made, so many envelopes to be addressed. I'm looking forward to my conversation with my interview team in March. There are more people on my team now, I think only two of them are the same as my previous two teams, so it's exciting to talk with them about my ministry and where I can grow and what resources they might have for me.