April 23, 2011


I have had a really difficult time getting myself into the headspace to blog lately.  I've been in these funks before, when I just need a break from technology, and in some ways, that has been true of this past one. 

But I also think that things have just been moving at such a break-neck speed lately that I really don't have the mental energy to sit down, stop, and reflect.  I just keep doing.... and then zoning out... and then doing some more.  Self-care lately has been more about stopping than processing. 

A sure sign of the chaos has been my office spaces.  The church office... my pastor's office... and my home office.  Piles of stuff, accessible when it is needed.  But the time for processing just hasn't been there.  I keep telling myself that after Easter and School for Ministry I'm  going to really stop and deal with it all... organize, toss, file, connect pieces, put things in some kind of order so that others can find them. 

But it's not "after Easter."  In the smack dab of the waiting, I sit.  Christ has been laid in the tomb and the disciples hid away somewhere.  They didn't process.  They didn't sort through their feelings.  They locked the door and huddled together. That's kind of how this past month has been.  Working my butt off, and then cuddling under a blanket in front of the television when the meetings stop and the work is done.  Waiting... numb... not wanting to think about what comes next - at least for right now.

The disciples were shaken out of their stupor by the amazing announcement on that Easter morning.  Their work wasn't complete... their lives were not over... they need not be afraid... Their hopes were resurrected, their engagement was reignited. 

My prayer is that the spark might blaze again for me.  That my spirit will be reignited.  That I can lay aside those burdens that keep me huddled under blankets and that with the daffodils and the lilies and the tulips I can throw off the cold and say - here I am.  I'm ready.  Nothing can hold me back.  Try and stop me.

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